1st July. 5.53am
It’s cold again this morning. I miss her warm body beside mine.
3rd July, 8.43pm
The demonization of the doctor was a slow and subtle thing. Do you know the best way to kill a conscience? Slowly, imperceptibly over time. So the conscience doesn’t feel a thing. You see, if you were to attack a saintly conscience at full force with guns blazing, you would most likely lose all the time. A saintly conscience is ready for any direct attack. Knows the clear difference between right and wrong and is willing to give its all to defend itself. The best way to penetrate in there is to go through the grey areas. Slowly. Subtly. Over time. By the time the conscience realizes it is compromised, it is too late.
5th July. 5.50pm
Will I survive the apocalypse? Do I still have what it takes to make heaven?
12.26pm. 7th July : Why am I always angry?
If Banner had to just avoid getting angry in order to not be the Hulk, he’d never succeed, because of course it’s probably almost impossible for the vast majority of people to really just stop themselves from getting angry. But what do we do instead? We can’t avoid being angry, but we learn to control our TEMPER and we can control how we RESPOND to anger.
In the previous solo Hulk film, it ends with Banner learning that the key is less about the anger itself, than the literal physical reactions caused by the anger. If he can keep his heart rate down and his metabolism from responding to the anger and pain, then he can prevent changing into the Hulk. He maintains a constant state of anger at his situation, and at the state of the world, and at the people responsible for it, as a way to keep the emotional status constant and thus allow him to ignore controlling his emotions so he can instead focus his efforts merely on controlling his physiological responses to the anger.
With anger as a constant state, his body adapts, it returns to a moderated physical state most of the time, so anger itself won’t be a trigger. Only when he allows the anger to go unchecked and gives in to his body’s “desire”/urge to change, does he become the Hulk — unless he is too overwhelmed by physical stress to hold it back, like when he was severely injured early in the film on the Helicarrier. Otherwise, he can change into the Hulk at will because he’s already always angry, and need only let the change take place.
If you scratch beneath my skin, the colour that you’ll see is green.
7th July 2017. 18.08pm.
The doctor never thought he would live past the age of 20. Not with the way his parents fought. He never really had any plans for adulthood. He suspects his siblings felt the same way. Four children, psychologically scarred for life, not knowing whom to turn to for help, anxiously and almost eagerly awaiting the apocalypse.
And now they are here. What will they do?
God was the foundation. Jesus finish the roofing we pray. We beg.
11th July. 2017. 11.35am
Don’t value anything too much. If you do, when it is time to lose it you will be overcome by a deep sense of fear. Realise that everything in this life is a free flowing river, constantly changing, never staying the same. Enjoy the good times and appreciate them when they are gone. Survive the bad times and give thanks when they disappear. For nothing is constant in this existence. Nothing lasts forever.
13th July 11.08am
Temptation loses its incentive if it is readily available.
26th September, 16.00pm
None of our family members are stinking rich. I wonder if it is a habitual thing or it has to do with drive towards our personal goals.
Sometimes I feel so scared and overwhelmed, I just want to run away from it all. But where do I run to? That won’t solve the problem. And besides, I wasn’t trained to run. I was trained to stand still and take my whipping like a man.
I have made plans so many times. I recently stumbled upon a plan I wrote up about a decade ago but never followed through on. I see such things that I have totally forgotten but were so important to me back then. And I just feel like giving up.
Well… let me try again.
26 September, 16:14pm
One step at a time, this is enough
Do no bother about the past for it is gone
And do not bother about the future for it happens not yet done.
Live in the present and do it in such a way that it will be worth remembering.
Or something like that….